I'll be 18 in two weeks and im still fickle minded.

how am i fickle minded? just this morning, i was so excited about my plans for my birthday (actually there was at first no plans, just to celebrate w/ jon and homemade cooking. until it turned into a more extravagant event, until it turned into a big event w/ catering services). i got so excited about the theme, and the dresses and my visitors. until i got home, and talked to my mom and shobe, until they pissed me off (i actually don't know how, probably by bombarding me with so many options that i wasn't even considering.) they had a completely different idea on what i wanted to have, a party that suits them better, somehow. (coz my shobe got so excited at the fact that she has to dress up) that i totally gave up and lost hope. now im considering just a blow-out.

see how fast i can change my mind?

now i am torn apart. i dont know what to do!! i feel it'll be stressing on me. my initial plan was to have a "garden" by the pool party w/ catering services with a theme of tea party and sunday dresses and pastel colors. (got me so excited) now i feel i want to lounge around and watch dvd marathons, like what i and my close friends used to do. w/c brings me to a reason why i should get excited again.. maybe i can ask my mom to allow us to use the condo, and there we can just enjoy ourselves. bake some cookies or something. play cards, monopoly games.

i wanna feel elated.

feeling a bitter against the world

ya bitter. mom ko mshdo.. i asked my mom if ok lng ba un damit ko, mejo.. not philippines standards kc. tas tinignan nya, suot ko na a. den, nag raise n sya ng voice. bat ba paweirdo ka ng paweirdo? ewan k b anu b weirdo dun noh. ok maybe unacceptable, e un mga iba nyang cnbhan ng weirdo, der is such a thing as personal taste! man.. ayoko ng nasusupress ako. den i replied ever so calmly, with a disappointed look, pede mo namang sbihing ayaw mo suot ko, d nmn kailngn sbihing weirdo pa.

after a long pause from her, "wag gumalak ng ikababastos ng iba." sumthin lyk dat cant remmber panu nga ba hahahha..

ANG KATE!!!!

ewan k ba anu ngyayari sakn, pero nangangate tlga ako!! kahapon p to. wala nmn ako fud allergies, pero pag tapos k kmain, nangate n ako. leef k lalu na! ang kate kate kate!!!!!!!!!!

d ako mapanatag.. pakiramdam k parating na ang mga bc days ko in UP... i have come to dislike GE subjects.

d p k nkkpagadvice, nadededbol n ko. malapit na matapos adivising.
ps.advice ba o advise??

walang magawa. wala wala wala wala wala wala wala wala wala!!

goodbye friend..

i have accepted it.

he saw it coming. i didnt want to accept it.. even brought tears to my eyes.
tried to hide it, he saw it. he always was sensitive... but now, reality.

realization.. d n nga.. we've lost wat we've had, nd to keep on holding on.. hoping u were wrong... no... u have ur own life now.. i have my own... we dont seem to connect dat much nymore.. d emotional stress of holding on is too much..

u came to be more dan just "a friend" to me. it wasnt like that, no, not of a lover. but u were deeper dan just a friend for me. you and i were in the same wave length. i pictured my future with you, your wife nd children, my husband nd children, together in a reunion. thats how close i pictured us to be.. ya.. it was only in MY mind. you and i, we were. we are past, i guess... wat closeness we had no longer exists, perhaps, because we changed, i changed, priorities changed.. d obvious distance between us now doz not help.. nd i cant help but feel jealous.. jealous of her.. we still are friends, i hope.. but, i guess it will never be the same now... and i have to accept it.

this seems so final.. so... goodbye... sumwer deep inside me, im still hoping, im wrong..

OMG!! na mariah carey ako!!!

in that i mean an embarrassing situation. its like this. kanina sa skul , i wore my sister's school shoes. pointed leather with strap. lateer kanina, ksma ko mga archm8s ko ppnta kami math builing, walk lang. and it was a loooong walk i tell ya. wala ako stockings, socks, any protection of sort!! friction, i felt pain, as i looked at my foot, lumolobo na!! it was S W EL L I N G. sb nun nsa likod ko dumudgo n daw. i was like, oo gna e ang sakit na!! but when i looke behind. F*CK!!! @_#sa i was BLEEDING!!! sb nun friend ko.. "women and their shoes.." sb dn ng isa, "wow mariah a" it was damn embarrassing. it didnt feet that painful, just uncomfortable. but friction led to blisters and peeling of skin. and d blood was smeared. it looked more awful than it really was. anu n kaya naisip nila?? kc kaartehan ayan tuloy!?

well no pain no gain.
HELL NOT!!!!
it was sooo not worth it.

hmm.. sb nun frend k.. forgot his name. erpat? edpat? something like that... bat nmn kc daw un suot ko. wel d nmn kc masakit un kanina maluwag pa nga! nd malay k bng maglalakag ako ng bundok?! he'd like to see me in rubber shoes. hmmm... kelan kaya ako amg rrubber shoes. myb pag nkabili n k ng chucks. i dnt knw. closed shoes... they're not for me.. sniff...

architecture... o med??

vacant ko uli... am bak in SC.. with tenten my dear funny friend. =P

alam nyu.. naisip ko nanaman un course ko.. architecture.. is this really for me..??? ang saya nung iba, sure na tlga cla sa course nila. ako ewan. let me share my point of view.

kc, bat nga ba ako nag archi? coz ito ang course na nilagay ko sa UPCAT, but that was then. aga kc nung application form submission. un pa lang nsa utak ko. i thought, why not? drawing.. am ok with that. math? am ok with that. but designing houses...? am not so sure. parang ok na hnd. haha. but ngyon, doctor. dermatologist, specifically. nice pristine white coat.. pabeauty ekek. =P but sayang nmn math potential ko (haha. kapal.) nd i suck at science, especially memorizations. and 10 years. shame ang tagal... alam nyu un.. haay ewan ko ba. ack!!! i guess i'll just be one of those old people that goes like "o anu course mo?" 'med tech po. mag memed po kc ako' "ah med! pangarap ko dn mag med e" 'tlga po?? bat d po kau nag med?' "ah... kc blablabla..." madami n ako neencounter na ganito. =)

!!!!! as i learned in sociology 10, its just a matter of interpretation!! it's all in the mind!! i shall excel!!! d na ako dapat matakot sayo UP!!! kaya kita!!!! *^%$##@^&!!!!

i swear people, nkakamatay tlga archi stuffs!! sakay toki daladala tsquare grrr hassle!! tas may defect pa un pinabili kong tsquare kay manong, nd now bgla n lng sha na pipigtas!!! un lalagyan nya?? asar!!! nag hohope nga ako kanina na magslide away sya sa jeep tas masagasaan den mabali.. para bili na ako bago. =)

kainis sun. ausin nmn nila cgnal nila grrrrrr.

asar.. binalik na plates namin sa arch 1... drafting ko.. 2.25, 2.00, chaka 1.75. ASAR!!!! hello???? ang baba potek. (pardon me for my use of language..) pero in fairness pataas ha.. ;) lol hahahhaa!! asa.. sb pa ng prof ko, dont worry about ur plates, definitely it will improve. for sure. noh...... grades lang yan." sabay kami nung seatm8 ko, hello?? grade nga buhay nmn d2 e!! kahit anu pang sbhn nyong its not all academic ekek.

i like gays. d way they say chuva.. and chaka.. ahahha ala lng. ;;) wala nga akong bading na batchm8 sayang. pero meron namang isa sa archi. pagkakaaliwan ko na lang cla.

may mga tao bang OC jan?? at mga career sa mga gnagawa nila?? teach me nmn o. gs2 ko dn maging ganun. tas ang kalat kc ng gamit ko. mga equipments ko sa archi mabilis maluma nd madumihan and macra kc.. burara ako.. =(

bad3p nafefeel ko nnmn LBM attack!!!!!! nun saturday pa toh a!! $*)&$ ang sakit........................ huhuuuhu............

a night of gimik

gumimik kami sa embassy. we finished ng 3 am. there were lots of "paris hilton"s. meaning mga long legs and cleavage girlalus nandun. sb nga ng kasama ko, no need tumitig. kahit san k tumingn meron e. hahahha. but if ur gonna go there, make sure u are not wearing a tshirt. d k papapasukin"it looks sloppy" sb nun girl bouncer dun. yep. she looks bald from far away. (she had her grey hair in a tight bun, and so d bald effect)

ps. d crowd here are more on d 20+ na. but may mga naliligaw dn na underage, like me. nyahahhaa!! but it was fun. pag comfortable ka na. at first it was awkward, first tym k lng nmn dun noh. der were celebs. and foreigners. mga gwapong lalakeng kano. harhar. i shall label d crowd here as conyos.

drinking.. i felt my ears go warm. my neck go itchy. it was an annoying feeling. (vodka 7 tastes nice.)

huy!! higschool mates!! i am reaching out to you! help! i dont think mahilig mag party mga tao d2 sa UP. save my social life! save my party life!! (it has yet to begin) hehehehe.. nd d debuts, i dont think it's their thing, so invyt me. pls.. ü
i am not saying this in discrimination of iskos and iskas out there. iloveyouall!!! mwaahh mwaah. hihiihihi..

but i guess am fine with not going to parties. anything goes.ü

my body is hurting. a lot. nag amazing race ksi kami ng blockm8s and orgm8s ko, sa UP. ( u see, i love them) i literlally had to tell mylelf to hold on, na kaya ko pa. coz damn tlgang i wanted to quit na. i was thinking of my team8s, wawa cla, handicapped with a not-so-sporty team8. hhihihiihih. but eventually d n rn cla tumatakbo. d n rn cgro kaya. i finished the race, second to the last. =)

may plate pa ako sa arki. still dont knw what and how gagawin. am ded.

omg! d p k naliligo. my body is really hurting. now may visitors brother! oh d shame.. i must stay here. pag lumabas ako i have to go pass them, which ryt now is not an option for me.

oh crap..

three more hours na vacant.

ala magawa. am here in the shopping center. aka SC. of UP. wasting tym... malamig d2.. im feeling sleepy already..

i just had my first exam in this university. it wasnt very promising. i came unprepared. di ko kc alam may test.. absent kc ako last meeting. kc tnamad ako. kc pagod ako. kc d nyt b4 nag perform ako. kc may musical operatta ang high school ko. kc 55th anniversary nya. ayan ang napala ko. must tell my mother. musnt tell my mother!!! BAWI NA LANG NXT TYM!!!! o crappings.

hmm... i'll be spending 3 hrs here? 20 per hour? 60 total? worth it ba. need ko na mag tipid. no point in being wasteful.

crap..

i need to go to a decent parlor. kailngn ko na mag papedicure.
OH!! talaga namang hnd porke mahal ok na!! last time kc pnta ako sa westlife ekek salon chuva, cant really remmber the name. pero 150 ata pedicure?? it's so amp. sooobra pangit nmn nun lagay, very uneven. lagpas lagpas pa i dont know if it's beacause i was sleeping back then...?, o tlgang d lng marunong. argh..

wala magawa.
i cant go on like this.
i must find something to do.
headache.

shet pucha sakit tlga ng ulo ko huhuu bat kaya. huhuhuhu.